Q.A reader writes, “When a woman says, “Thanks for meeting me”, is that code for “We’re not a match”? I’ve noticed on several first meets, even when the conversation is really good, women will say “Thanks for meeting me” at the end, and then after that, they never
respond to a text or a voice-mail message again. Is this online dating code for “We’re not a match”? Why would they be thankful we met if we are not compatible in her mind? Thanks for the coffee or drink would be more logical in my mind.”
A.Just because they say something nice does not mean that they like you. It’s often just common courtesy. Often they try to let you know gently that you are not a match, by cutting contact. However, you will only know if you are truly listening to your intuition. Your intuition tells you whether a person likes or dislikes you, and to what degree. Do you smell what I’m cooking? They barely know you, you have only met one time. They don’t know if you will rip their head off if they reject you openly (some people get mad and even nasty). Plus, I hate to say this, but he who rejects first feels better about the whole deal. This is reality, and this whole darn dating thing is a ginormous cat-and-mouse game. The best you can do is learn the rules of the game so you can minimize your chance of rejection. You have been living in a dream world Neo.
Additionally, you should only leave one voice-mail message. If she does not return one, why would she return two or three? You don’t want to look like one of those stalkers in a Lifetime television channel movie. You know the type of movies I am referring to, the kind where the man asks the woman out twenty times before she says “Yes!” Can you say stalker? How loverly!
If you want to know if she likes you by the end of the date, here are some indicators to look for:
1) Intuition – This is the most important rule, and all-encompassing. Ninety-three percent of communication are things other than words. Use your intuition – watch her body language, facial expressions, eyes, hand gestures, and listen to her voice inflections, like a good poker player. Watch the movie Rounders.
2) Verbal compliments – If she says, “You have a nice smile”, or, “you are handsome”, she is attracted to you, for the moment. At least until you open your mouth and say something to turn her off. Be a gentleman and stick to light and positive conversation. Don’t get into serious or personal subjects such as politics, religion, or lovemaking, for example. Above all, let her do most of the talking, it’s safer that way! Women get emotional satisfaction through talking. You have two ears but only one mouth.
3) Touching – Notice if she touches you on the date. If she reaches across the table and taps you on the hand, she is trying to bond with you. Women don’t often touch a man they are not interested in. Count how many times she touches you on the date.
4) Staring – If she stares at you, at some point, too long and too hard, as if she is in a trance, as if you are the only object in the room, this probably means you are easy on the eyes and she is attracted to you. This is self-explanatory. She is probably not going to look at you very much if you are as ugly as Danny Devito!
5) If you ask her for her home phone number and she hesitates or wants to give you her cellular telephone number or Email instead, she is either not a nice girl or not interested. Many people don’t have home phones anymore, so this is only an occasional useful indicator. However, asking her for her cellular phone number will give you some indication of love interest.
6) If she insists on paying her half of the bill, she might not be interested. Sometimes, when they don’t see you as boyfriend material, they don’t want to feel obligated to a man by letting him pay her way. But this one is hit-and-miss. Sometimes they are just so nice and giving, they want to pay their share anyway. You may have to put this together with other things she says and does over time to decipher her true feelings toward you, her love level.
7) Leaving – If she wants to leave first, it might mean her love level is just not there for you. A woman who feels something for you, when you ask her’ “I know it’s late, if you need to go, let me know” will say, “I don’t have to go”. Women vote with their feet. Additionally, just like Hollywood and the best movies and movie trailers, always leave them wanting more by leaving them first to go home. Furthermore, don’t talk about the future or try to make another date while you are still on a date. That’s just goofy and needy, and women don’t like five-stage clingers. Why would you need to talk about another date – you are on a date and should be enjoying that one.
8) If you don’t have any other indicators of a spark, you can always go for the first kiss. Notice if she kisses you back, and how good the kiss was, put a score on it. Women form a mental scorecard for a man, men should learn from them and do the same. If she turns her head and you get a mouthful of hair, the dreaded hairball trick, she is a bad kitty, for you at least. If you are not kissing, you are just wishing.
Additionally, make sure you go for the first big kiss within three dates to make sure you stay out of the friend’s zone. We call it the first big kiss because it’s one of the biggest moves you’ll ever make in a relationship, and is the catalyst for taking the relationship to the next stage, more affection on subsequent dates.
9) If she emails after the date – If she emails or texts you first after the date to tell you she had a good time, she probably likes you. That’s your cue to call her on the telephone and schedule a second meet or date.
10) Ask for a second date in a week. When she did not return your message you left after the date, that was the clue she is not interested.
These are just helpful indicators. You don’t really know if you have a steady girlfriend right away. Love grows over time, only time will tell. If you have a good date once a week and everything goes just right, she will be in love with you in two months.
Don’t beat yourself up too much over it though, this whole love thing is a primarily a woman’s game, they have the power, they have the good looks and intuition. Men mostly just go along for the ride. On the other hand, if you don’t care about looks, you can always marry the ugly woman who lives down the lane. Do you know what’s great about dating or marrying an ugly woman? If she ever leaves you, who cares? Again, use your intuition. Actions don’t simply speak louder than words, actions scream.