I started talking to Helen Hunt on one of the popular dating sites. As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty! We had some Email friendship chemistry and some good banter between us. At one point, I wrote, “Shhh! I’m hunting wabbit!” She replied, “Okay, I’ll be wery wery quiet!”
I asked her for her telephone number, called her, and set up a first meet. Is the first meet just that, a meeting? Conversely, is it a first date? It probably depends on how well the meet goes. If you feel chemistry, you might prefer to call it a date. If the man is a skeery creeper, you might want to run away and hide! Ladies, you want a keeper not a creeper, a winner not a wiener!
The telephone call and setting up the date went smoothly, like bubbles gliding effortlessly along the surface of a stream. We decided to meet at my office, TGI Friday’s. Based on all the business I bring them, I believe Friday’s should be paying me a referral fee! I suppose I could get one of those TGI Friday’s frequent flyer cards. Perhaps I could rack up enough points by the turn of the century to purchase one measly meal. Winner-winner chicken dinner!
I arrived at the TGI Friday’s mall parking lot right on time. We both texted when we parked. This is a huge parking lot in a metropolitan area. Parkzilla is so large, I think it has it’s own zip code! I was very surprised and amused when I got out of the car and stood up, to see a woman resembling my date, one parking spot over from mine, get out of her car and stand up at the same time as I. Yes, it was my date for the evening! Is she following me, is Helen a stalker, is she a five-stage clinger? Was it fate that we parked so close and got out of our cars at the same time? I don’t think so. The parking lot was pretty full, and the parking space that I chose was the first open one I could see from the main road. It was a cute coincidence though! We giggled about it as we walked together to the restaurant.
After a short wait, we were ushered by the staff to our table, and we talked while waiting to be served. I was happily surprised that I found her attractive. Attraction doesn’t always happen. My ticker takes awhile to warm up, I’m like a slow cooker. Wait a minute, isn’t that supposed to be how women work? Some of these women I meet look like they’ve been beaten with an ugly stick! She’s a professional in the finance field, from Illinois, and lived in Ohio for a period of time. She is still friends with her ex boyfriend from Ohio. She had two long term relationships, a two-year and a three-year relationship. She was never married, and has no children. That’s not much long term relationship experience for a beautiful woman. I think Squint Eastwood has had longer flings!
I made plenty of jokes and quips on this date, as usual. You just can’t take that Jim Carrey character, my alter-ego, anywhere! That silly guy has been kicked out of some places. Yet, in my own defense, I’ve been kicked out of better places than TGI Friday’s!
Speaking of humor, I was in the hospital a month ago for an operation, and I was joking with the nurses while I was on my death bed, er, hospital bed! I would say something silly and then say, “I need to just quit it!” Then a nurse replied, “Nooo, don’t stop!” Then I said, “I need to cut down!” She pleaded, “Nooo, don’t stop!” I muttered, “I need to just stop it!” The nurse replied again, “Nooo, don’t stop!” I love it when they talk dirty to me! Stick a fork in me and call a wambulance, I’m done!
I told Helen that I was a writer, and early in the conversation, she figured out that I was a relationship writer, which lead to some interesting conversation. Some people I meet learn that I’m the love guru, others don’t. It simply depends on where the conversation goes, or the stomach turns!
We had a nice hour-and-a-quarter dinner and the conversation and my shenanigans flowed well. I paid for the dinner and she did not offer to help. This suggests she likes me and is not worried about feeling obligated to me. However, it’s a very small indicator. I was ready to get out of there and stretch my legs, so I was the first to suggest we leave. I lost a little weight earlier this year due to illness. Healthy now, I’m still gaining some weight back. Many people who diet hate me! Everybody has problems! Consequently, I could use a little more meat on my ribs and rear-end. That’s right, I’m a man with no butt! My bottom was sore and I needed to get up from the table and walk. Actually, I’m surprised the women I’ve met after my surgery like my new skinny form. I just thought I’d get my feet wet in dating for the time being, so to speak, until I’ve had the opportunity to gain some weight back.
Helen is a night-owl and we had a late dinner, so it was really past my bedtime at this point. We made our way out of the establishment and to the sidewalk next to the street. I had a couple of drinks during dinner. I always suggest sticking to a two drink maximum. However, I think I might limit myself to one drink from now on. That ripple has quite a kick to it! While waiting for traffic to clear, I got overprotective and touched Helen. Worried that she might jump out in front of a car and commit suicide, I lightly and briefly put my hands on her back and hips. It’s not a good idea for a gentleman to touch a woman much before they are kissing her, unless he knows exactly what he’s doing – and most of the men who think they know what they are doing, really don’t. Can you say octopus man? Evidently, it was only minor infraction and she did not react to it. You ole’ mister smooth, you!
We strolled up to her car and chatted for a moment. Getting the sense that she was ready to leave, we said our goodbyes, and I went in for the goodbye hug, while watching to see if she wanted more, a kiss. She turned her cheek when I was still a mile away from her, so I just gave her a peck on the cheek. It seemed very rehearsed.
I’m afraid with the turning of her cheek before I could even get into missile-range of a kiss, and her statement in her profile that she prefers to be friends first, she might be a user. There are some users who will go out with men they have no romantic interest in. You have to have an open heart for love to blossom in it’s own time. It’s not good to shut it down right from the start. Love is not structured, it’s impulsive. Most happy couples had their first kiss within the first few dates. A kiss is not lovemaking; a kiss is just a kiss. Sure, friendship is part of a romantic relationship; in fact, a relationship is a friendship on fire. When it comes to love, you have to multitask. You become friends and lovers almost simultaneously. Things have to progress. Relationships should develop at a reasonable pace – not too fast, but not too slow either. I’m reminded of the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. You don’t want something too hard or too soft. Like Baby Bear’s bed, things have to be just right for there to be a love match.
I should have noticed the red flag statement in her profile, stating that she wants to be “Friends first”, and not contacted her. However, it was nice to have a romantic dinner with a strange woman. That just sounds so wrong! Will Jim Carrey and Helen Hunt meet again? She contacted me after the date, which suggests chemistry, but maybe it’s only friendship chemistry? I might have dinner again with her. However, I’ve gotten mixed signals from her, and mixed signals usually signify a big, fat “No”. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to dating, the world’s biggest cat-and-mouse game.
