I had quite a date this evening. I met and had dinner with Lois Chiles. We made contact on one of the online personals sites. As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty! This date moved at a dizzying pace. When I first laid eyes on Lois, I was not sure I was attracted to her. She was extremely nervous at first and she looked like a deer in the headlights. However, as the evening grew late and the tension built between us, she became more comfortable with me. I started to see her real personality shine through and I saw the beauty in her.
Lois claimed she was overweight, but she was being modest. She used to be a tennis coach. Lois plays soccer now and jogs, she is in great shape. Lois was married for sixteen years, and was recently divorced about a year ago. She has two children. The recent divorce was a red flag, Lois was on the rebound.
Lois made a mistake in judgement by marrying too quickly. She got married within only three weeks of meeting her ex hubby. The reason for her divorce was, he turned out to have no integrity; he was a liar and took her for granted. The only reason she stayed married so long was for the kids, a pretty typical story.
As it turns out, I was only her second date since she was married sixteen years ago. It took almost an hour of conversation for her to calm down to a low roar. Additionally, I was having margaritas with dinner and she said, “I’ll have what he’s having”. So here we have a recently divorced woman who does not drink, on a date, drinking. Are you with me so far? It’s a good thing I’m the perfect gentleman, because if she had met a more unsavory fellow, she could have been in deep doo-doo. An hour into our dinner date, she broke down and cried when sharing her story about her loveless marriage. Lois said during her sob story, “You must think I’m crazy”. Women sometimes do get a little temporarily wild when they are fresh out of a divorce, especially when they drink from the wrong bottle – and any bottle is wrong when ya don’t drink to begin with! I am in for one wild and crazy night! After dinner, we split the bill, she wanted to go Dutch. Lois was marriage shy, which is not uncommon among divorced people. Yet, she was all for monogamy. It’s a funny thing, some people think monogamy is a type of wood!
At one point, alluding to her being on the rebound, I asked her if she felt she was ready to date? She replied that she was craving affection. She also made other references to affection on several occasions. Do you smell the coffee? This is not your average coffee date. Jim Carrey, my alter-ego, has just walked into a wittle trouble – ya think? I knew she wanted affection and was ready for it, and I liked her too, so I started by simply holding hands on a walk around the strip mall adjacent to the TGI Friday’s resturant after dinner. By the time we got to her sport utility vehicle, I sensed that she was dying inside to touch me. Without a word, I stretched out my arms and motioned for her to come hither. That was all it took, she rushed straight into my arms. I did not have to go for the first kiss on this date – Lois walked up to me point blank and kissed me first, square on the lips! She put both hands on my chest (kids, close your eyes!), and looked up at me with puppy-dogs eyes, she was all over me. I told her I have a couple of rules: When in a relationship, my lady can have affection when ever she desires, just reach for me, I’ll be there – she liked that rule! The second rule – wait for it – because she was so aggressive, I felt the need to say to her, “No love making before date three! In response, she said she did not want to on the first date – whew, what a relief! She was already counting down the dates, trying to determine whether this was simply a first meet or actually date one! Have you ever heard of a man calling the shots like this? I’m not making this stuff up, ladies and germs. I may get wordy as many a writer has been known to do, but I don’t do fiction (not yet anyway).
I’ve saved the most fascinating part for last. Lois is extremely educated and intelligent, an over-achiever. She has four degrees, including a masters, and is currently finishing up a PHD. Additionally, Lois has two jobs. She is an engineer employed by an aerospace company, and has developed engines for NASA that go out into space. That’s right folks, true to her moniker, Lois Chiles is a rocket scientist! Hold on to your hats, it gets better. Lois’s second job is as a reservist in the United States military. Her military career is intelligence related and top-secret, she couldn’t tell me much about it. It was as if this woman came right out the James Bond movie Moonraker – the spy who loved me?
Will they still love you in the morning? Apparently not – I contacted Lois Chiles a week later for a second date, but she turned me down. This is not surprising for a woman on the rebound, they tend to be flaky like this. Yet, I’ll always remember my whirlwind romantic evening near the Cape with the vivacious spy who loved me.