Q.A reader writes, “I’m twenty-one years old, I’ve been in a long distance relationship with an eighteen year-old girl from the Philippines for six months or so. We met on a dating site, and although at first I thought she was just some desperate girl from a third-world country looking for a ticket out of poverty, through tons of e-mails, e-cards, instant messages, webcam chats and even phone calls, we grew to develop feelings for one another and eventually fell in love. She’s one of the sweetest, most absolutely drop-dead gorgeous girls I’ve ever known. When I get excited about something that happened to me, she gets excited with me, when I’m depressed, she comforts me. Every time we talk, it makes me feel so happy and appreciated.
Naturally, the whole issue of her loving me just for my money has come up. Each time it came up, she would get very upset and even cry. I still live with my folks, I only have a modest amount of money for someone my age and I wasn’t even employed when we first met which made me believe her love for me was sincere. Plus, her last boyfriend broke her heart big time. Would she want someone else to suffer her pain?
A few people have warned me that she still may be orchestrating a huge deception to fool me into sending her money. I know women can manipulate men pretty easily no matter how young they are. Plus, I got a little nervous when she told me recently that her parents can’t afford to send her to college for another semester. As a test, I offered to send her a little money (only one-hundred dollars, but that’s fifty-six hundred pesos) and I was made more nervous at how quickly she accepted the offer. She did, however, ask me to not think she was just using me for money by accepting my small donation.
I’ve been anticipating visiting this girl in her country come next summer, but I won’t if I find out she just loves me because I’m a “rich American”. What should I do?”
A.You two do not have a real connection. A relationship is based on face-to-face contact. You have to date her and be able to touch her, or at least be close enough to touch her in the begining. For every one of these successful long distance relationships that you hear about, there are several hundred that did not work out. In other words, better than ninety-nine percent of them are a waste of time and money. You are living in a dream world, Neo.
It happens every day. The people finally fly across the land to meet for the very first time after talking for months or even years. Then, they end up crying together at dinner because they realize they did not really know the person and were in love with a ghost of who they imagined the person to be. It’s a regular ghostly lover’s pity-party just for two.
Now it gets worse. You are sending a girl you have never met money? What’s wrong with you? What has she done for you lately? Do you really feel fulfilled?
Go over there and date her if you feel you are that one in three-hundred lucky winners, but it might be a waste of money. Threaten that you will live in poverty on her street with a family of sixteen other people. If she still loves you then, marry her.
Relationships are based on dates. That includes kissing. How can you kiss her if you are not there? If you are only talking through the telephone lines, you may think you have a relationship, but you do not have a relationship. Until you meet, you are strangers.