I just returned from my second date with the Tupperware Lady. This was a weeknight and she has to work tomorrow, so I anticipated this night would have a cutoff time of ten o’clock, which turned out to be the case (technically, it was ten-thirty when I brought her home). Total date time was four hours. As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty!

We had set the date for six o’clock. She texted me at five fifty-two and told me she was on her way – a little late, but she’s got three kids at the house for the summer, no problemo. She called a half-hour later to tell me she was lost! She was nearby, so I stayed on the line and assisted her in locating my place. (She had three pages of computer generated directions in her car.) When she pulled up to my house, I was outside to flag her down. I worked my hands like a signalman, had her park next to my car, and I stumbled jokingly as if she had hit me! I suggested we take my car, because she’s was in my neck of the woods, and I knew the area. It was the smart thing to do.

I gave her a kiss before opening the car door for her. I’m always a gentleman! She was wearing a skirt, with some beautiful high heels. She said these were just the tip of the iceberg, she has many more elaborate ones, and I have seen a picture of some of her fancy-schmancy shoes on Spacebook. She also said on our first date she has nice legs – I can tell you, she isn’t lying! She collects three things: Cookbooks, purses, and shoes. You have to accessorize, you go girl! The highlight of her ensemble was a red, sheer top, it was very pretty. This little minx is pulling out all the stops.

So I opened the car door of the Batillac for her, walked around and got in myself, then whisked her away to the beach for our romantic date night. Whoosh, away we went to never-never land!

I did not tell her where we were going, and she did not care. She’s just happy to be there, because she likes me too much, which is oh-so right. I parked at the beach, and I was going to put some change in the meter, but I remarked that I did not think I had enough, and it did not take bills. She immediately took charge and got on her telephone to pay! I told her that was not necessary, but she insisted, what a woman! But it was taking too long on the phone, so I said, “Give it up”! I put one hours’ worth of change in the meter, and we decide to pay the rest at the main kiosk farther down the street.

We went into the restaurant and were seated at a booth. It was a beautiful, clear, and breezy evening at Lauderdale by the Sea, a very romantic setting. We enjoyed appetizers: I had fish dip with crackers, she got the Tuna sushi. We talked, joked, bantered and told date stories non-stop, completely engrossed in conversation throughout this date. There were no awkward silences, it was not in our vocabulary. She had a glass of wine and I had my trusty margarita. I only had one margarita because I was too busy talking. She talked a little more than I did. At dinner, she said that I had nice hands, and that after dinner, she would like to hold my hand as we walk! Isn’t that adorable? I was charmed again.

After dinner, we took a stroll to the beach, hand-in-hand, just the way all lovers’ do. She held my hand like she never wanted to let it go, which was oh-so right. We sat down on a cute little bench shaped like a canoe. It was a picture perfect evening, very romantic, with constant conversation and bantering, it was never-ending. She apologized for talking so much, and I reassured her that talking too much was just right. I told her, “Like a healthy dog has a wet nose, a talkative woman is a healthy one! So then she said, “So, you are comparing me to a dog”? It’s okay, she gets me. Jim Carrey, my alter-ego, can do no wrong! No daters were harmed in the making of this heavenly date night.

Now for the really good part, the highlight of the evening. While she was doing most of the talking, I was talking so much my voice was getting a little itchy, and I started to cough. We moved over to some different chairs in the square, and she left me! Where did my date go, did she ditch me? Is our fearless leader destined to be single forever? She walked into a nearby restaurant and appeared a few seconds later carrying a glass. She strutted right up to me, and handed the glass to me. It was a glass of water to sooth my scratchy throat. Many men think the most important thing to them is love-making, but it’s not. The main thing men need, but don’t know, is to be comfortable in a relationship. The women who are the nice ones, the givers, are the best. Every good man should live by this creed – you bring me dinner, I’ll bring you diamonds (What’s fair is fair)! I was charmed forever.

Through conversation, I found out about three (There might be a forth, I might have forgotten one. It was no problem, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time with her to learn!) main activities she likes to do with a man. One of the rules of romance for men is to indulge and support his lady in her activities/hobbies, no matter how silly he might think they are. You should respect her interests, and encourage them. It’s charming, it’s part of romance, and romance is one the four things a woman needs to stay in love. Women should do this for their men also.

1) Bicycling: she likes to ride to Hollywood beach on her bicycle. It’s good exercise. I tell her I don’t have a bike. She says she has five, I’m in! I will soon become an accomplished cyclist! Besides, they say you never forget how, it’s just like ridding a bike, right?

2) She likes to prepare meals with her man. Yet, cooking is my least favorite chore. However, I did work in a restaurant when I was a kid. I cooked garlic crabs in big vats on top of floor burners at Thirsty’s Seafood restaurant. Furthermore, I can grill like a bandit, so I do have some skill. My Kung Fu is bedder dan yours! I suggested that since I fish, she likes to eat fish, and she likes to cook, she could cook the fish. Still, she has never cooked fish. Say that five times fast! The solution? – we decided we will learn together. That was very cute!

3) Snorkeling: I did this in my younger years, I’d do it again. I used to dive for lobster when I was just a little wuv writer. Plus, I love the Florida Keys.

Around ten o’clock (time flies when you are having fun), I asked her if she needed to get going, before she turned into a pumpkin. She said “Yes”, so we walked back to the car, hand-in-hand, you betcha! Luckily, there is no ticket on the car, because in all this excitement, we forgot to pay the for parking; we were too enamored with each other to have a care in the world.

When we got home, I opened her door for her, and we stood by the car, we could not stop talking. Finally, she exclaimed, “So are you just going to stand there or are you going to kiss me”? (Incoming!) This is a pivotal moment. We did share a couple first kisses on the first date, but these were little more than pecks – starter kisses, if you will. Now, the time is right for the real kiss, the big first kiss. This is one of the biggest moves in dating and a budding relationship. The first big kiss makes things progress, and opens the door for more affection. Like Robin Williams would say, “No pressure! We exchanged a long, searching kiss, it was wonderful!

This relationship is progressing beautifully. The kissing has escalated, and so has the relationship. While at dinner, she was talking on the telephone with a girlfriend who happened to be in town. She was planning a girls’ night out on Saturday night, and also a date with yours truly on Friday night. The kids are out of town this weekend, and you know what that means – when the kids are away, mamma will play!

When a woman is falling in love, like a big cat on the plains of Africa, she has big plans for the cute little mouse she has caught. Would you like to guess who the mouse in this story is? This relationship is going just right. There are no such things as red flags here, it’s unfolding perfectly. This is the way a great love affair is supposed unfold, it’s picture-perfect.

A half-hour after we got home, we exchanged a few texts:

Her: “I am home…. I had a really good time…. I hope I did not chatter too much. I was nervous. You are sweet and I look forward to our next adventure. I hope I did not say anything too crazy… I was nervous.

Me: “awe, that’s so sweet of you to say…. don’t worry sweetie-pie…. i was charmed – again.

Her: “Whew good!”

Me: “Ha-ha! Exciting, isn’t it! I had a nice time too. u are a special lady indeed.”

Her: “Thank you! It is exciting! Sweet dreams!

Me: “Sweet dreams to u too, sleeping beauty.”

By the looks of things, we will have a date Friday night. Where it will start, I do not know. Will we go out, or will she invite me over for a home-cooked meal? One thing is for sure – one little mousy is not getting out of this alive! Do you smell what I’m cookin’ (what she’s cooking)? Sweet mysteries of life! I don’t mind being caught by such a marvelous woman, why should I complain? Be gentle kitty-cat, it’s my first time!