I was in a relationship for a year and a half. I met Bama Belle and she promised me the world, yet failed to deliver, so I found myself single again. Women choose if and when a relationship will start, and how long it’s going to last. Love is primarily a woman’s game, men just go along for the ride. Look at the bright side, I get to kiss more women! Seriously, we want relationships to last forever, but it does not always workout that way.

I started chatting with Lucile Ball on a popular dating website and she gave me her telephone number. As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty in this story of love and disorderly conduct. She’s a writing professor at a local college who specializes in Shakespeare. Go softly into the good night. She’s originally from Canada, moved to North Carolina in nineteen ninety-seven, then she taught in Puerto Rico, then South Carolina, and now she has finally made a home for herself in Florida. She works at the local college, but hopes to move up to the University level. This is a good sign, it looks like she has made a nest here and plans to stay.

I texted Lucy and set up a time to call her. When I called, all I got was voicemail and crickets. Puzzled, I left a message. A couple days later, she texts me and says, “I just got your voicemail today, I did not even know you called.” I was busy with other things and kind of let it go, just to see what would happen. We continued to text sporadically for the next few days, and to my surprise, she made a date with me for the weekend!

We decided to meet at a TGI Friday’s resturant in the metro area. Does this sound familiar? It should sound familiar, I usually meet strange women at TGI Friday’s, otherwise known as my office! That just sounds so wrong!

This metropolitan area is in a neighboring county, and a big one at that. The streets can look like a parking lot during rush hour. Speaking of parking lots, that was one mondo parking lot. I told Lucy I parked in another zip code! She laughed at that one, and many other jokes and quips I came up with on this date. The dance king is back, and in grandiose style.

She arrived at the mall almost an hour early. What could that mean? Is she into me, or does she simply have nothing bedder to do? I arrived right on time. How I got there on time through all that traffic, I’ll never know. Maybe I’m related to Jeff Gordon?

She took the liberty of getting us a table. I walked into the restaurant and when I first laid eyes on her, I was not very attracted to her. When I went in for the hug, I noticed she was ready for a kiss on the lips! If I had kissed her, would it have been just a peck on the lips, or one of those long, searching kisses where you are gasping for air?

We had great conversation and seemed to have chemistry. Would it turn out to be just friendship chemistry or something more? I learned that she has a twelve year old son. No wonder I could not reach her the first time I called, she has other priorities, as it should be. By the way, kids are wittle extra people to love you. What’s not to like?

She was divorced two years ago, Lucy was married fifteen years. Ex hubby is a disabled war veteran who cheated on her. She hates his guts, which is normal. If everything was just peachy, wouldn’t they still be together? She claimed when he returned from the war in Iraq, that he changed. I’m not surprised. Too much time apart, and people can fall out of love. The cheating is just a side event of the real cause. Like the song says, he lost that lovin’ feeling.

She was plain but tall, nice complexion, and in shape. I ordered the fish, water, and one shot of whiskey. It’s a good rule of thumb to stick to a two-drink maximum on dates. Whisky man don’t you play that hand too long. She ordered a Cobb salad. I said grace at dinner. You can’t have too much class, this world could use a little more of it. After an hour-and-a-half date, I got the sense she wanted to leave. She did say she had some work to do around the corner at the college. Did she not want to extend the date because she was not into me, or did she really have work to do?

I grabbed the bill and paid it, but I noticed she stared at it. Yet, she did not offer to help. Did she not offer to help because she liked me? Sometimes women offer to pay their fair share because they are not attracted to the man and don’t want to feel obligated. Other times, they are just being polite. The truth is, you can’t infer much from this. Lucy, you got some splainin’ to do!

Being the gentleman that I am, I opened and held the door for her as we left the restaurant. I also escorted her to her midlife crisis car, a sporty, chameleon-red Camaro. It had a manual transmission. I like a woman who knows how to drive a stick. Kids, cover your eyes!
When I went in for the goodbye hug, I noticed that this time, she wanted to kiss me even more! Wow, I’m just so hot. You can’t touch this.

She contacted me later in the evening after the date. I was right, she wanted a kiss! Sadly, I am not attracted to Lucy, so I won’t be seeing her again. However, that’s okay, there are other matches out there, and you only need to find one good one.